How to Create a Beloved Family Tradition
I’m writing from a barrier island in North Carolina, where I’ve spent the week at the beach with my husband, Jim’s, extended family. It’s been a busy (hot!) week of swimming, boating, and chatting over evening cocktails and dinner.
This family tradition began in 1946, when Jim’s grandmother, Granny Lou, who grew up in North Carolina, married and moved to St. Louis. Every summer from then on, she packed up her family, which grew to include four children, and traveled back to her parents’ beach cottage, where she orchestrated countless cocktail hours and family dinners with panache and charm.
Granny Lou died last fall, aged 98, but the tradition she established, known simply as “The Beach,” endures. This year, nearly 80 years after Granny Lou’s first journey east, four generations of her family have gathered. I wonder if she had any idea, as a young mother, that this annual pilgrimage would become such a cherished and significant milestone in the lives of so many people.
I can’t stop thinking about what one person can create, through constancy and love. Year after year, Granny Lou quietly but firmly led her family back together, giving us the great gift of an annual opportunity to build and nurture close and meaningful relationships across generations.
Here’s what I’ve learned about building a tradition that lasts, from observing Granny Lou, and participating in 20 years of The Beach.
Communicate clearly. And don’t negotiate. Getting a large group together is a logistical, emotional, and financial challenge but we all showed up out of affection and respect for Granny Lou. She did not cajole or beg. Granny Lou simply set the dates for each year’s trip. We knew our attendance was expected.
Pick a place and stick to it. Returning to the same location every year simplifies planning and logistics; builds a sense of continuity, and fond memories.
Establish a tradition of one activity for the entire group every day. In our family, it’s cocktails and dinner each evening, established long ago on the breezy covered porch of Granny Lou’s family cottage. With so many people, group activities are difficult to coordinate, and everyone needs downtime - it is a vacation, after all!
Don’t sweat it if not everyone shows up. People need a year off, day off, or night off at some point, whether it’s because they’re introverts, new parents, or going through a difficult time. If you stay the course, they will return. While Granny Lou would acknowledge her disappointment if someone couldn’t make the trip because of a work commitment, or missed a dinner, she did not make a fuss. She quietly set an example for us all by always showing up.
For a large group, dinner menus must be planned in advance. This may go without saying, but it is quite a feat to feed 40 people. Our routine tends to revolve around a main course prepared by one family, with sides, appetizers, and desserts contributed by others. This year, the after-dinner clean-up has been handled by the kids (for a small fee!).
Consider professional photographs every few years. Everyone in our group takes wonderful candid photos, but some of my most cherished possessions are the professional pictures captured when my children were small.
