My Happiness Checklist
For a long time, my end-of-year routine consisted of making a long list of Lessons Learned plus big goals for the following year. The problem was this: from year to year, both my lessons learned and goal lists were largely unchanged.
As much as I wanted to check things off and move on to greater aspirations, I often needed more than 12 months to really learn from my mistakes and achieve the things I most wanted. For example, this goal, “Stop dating men who aren’t right for me” was on the list for a solid decade, with multiple lessons learned on that subject accumulating annually…
Since getting married and having children, my most important goal has been to nurture and support my relationships with my husband and children – and I’ll spend the rest of my life learning lessons about how to do that. I’ve got plenty of other aspirations, too, especially when it comes to developing my writing career; but these days, my habit is to keep a running list: examining, dismissing, and updating it frequently, not just once a year.
But the list I find myself checking and referring to the most is the one you’ll find below – I call it my Happiness Checklist: it contains the simple, mostly easy, and mostly free, things I’ve learned to incorporate into my days that really do make me feel happier. These are the little things that help me feel loved, supported, whole, healthy, and at peace with myself and my place in the world.
Whenever I feel a bit off, I check the list to see if I’ve dropped or forgotten something I know will make me feel better. Because, after all, back in the days of my annual stock-taking and goal-making, my most desperately wished-for hope – even though I never wrote it down on a list - was to be happy.
My Happiness Checklist
Sleep: get into bed at 9 pm; read until I get tired; wake up between 5 - 6 am.
Sun: go outside and turn my face to the sun each morning, and during the dreary winter and spring, use my HappyLight.
Meditate & Morning Pages: allow time for 10 minutes of silent meditation as soon as I wake up, followed by 20-30 minutes to write three pages, long-hand.
People: do not go a day without seeing and interacting with another adult! This can happen when I cloister myself to write. Zoom meetings and phone calls count, as does saying hello to people at the Post Office, grocery store, or on the street.
Satisfying work: don’t skip work I enjoy to do things I feel like I “should.” My favorite things: writing, researching, creating spreadsheets, organizing, and analyzing. Do at least one of these each day.
Quality leisure: mindless scrolling makes me feel icky and lazy; watching an excellent show, reading an engrossing book, going to a museum, seeing a play, musical, or movie, strolling through a beautifully curated store, or flipping through a gorgeous coffee table book, feels refreshing and inspiring.
Exercise: move my body in some way every day; a 30-minute walk is the minimum, while playing a game with others is ideal.
Eat well: make the effort to plan yummy meals to look forward to. Knowing what my next meal will be – and that it will be something delicious - is a secret to my happiness!
Laugh: seek out silliness and fun, and make an effort to laugh. This is not as easy as it sounds. Ideas: watch a sitcom episode, read the New Yorker humor section, organize a paddle or tennis game, call a friend to chat, ask the kids to tell me a joke.
Take breaks: the voice in my head saying I need to work nonstop is wrong! I do much better work when I give myself frequent breaks – especially to do something fun.
Don’t get sucked into reading or listening to too much news: it’s ALL negative.
Prioritize time with friends: time spent traveling to be with people I love - whether it’s a drive or a flight away - is always worth it. I can get obsessed with not wanting to “waste” time away from my desk, but the time I spend with good friends always leaves me feeling rejuvenated.
Ask for and accept help: I love collaborating with others and working as a team, but I can be bashful about asking for help or advice because I don’t want to bother people or take up their time. Remember: people have the option to say no, and asking someone for advice is usually taken as a compliment.
Drink less alcohol: while I love a crisp glass of Sancerre and may wish it wasn’t so, I sleep, feel, and look vastly better when I don’t drink.
